Creative and funny personal voicemail greetings

  1. I can’t come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don’t remember. I’d appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks!
  2. Hi, I’m sorry I couldn’t come to the phone but if you hop 3 times, spin around, touch your nose and say your name, then leave me a message after the beep, I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.
  3. Voicemail. Speak.
  4. You know what I hate about voicemail messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, “We aren’t in, leave a message.” That’s why I’ve decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me.
  5. Hello. I’m available right now but cannot find the phone. Please leave a message and I will call you up as soon as I find it.
  6. Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by me.
  7. Hi. I’m probably home. I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you.
  8. Hi, this is [your name]. If you’re part of the problem, hang up now. If you’re part of the solution, leave a message.
  9. Hello, you have reached the number you have dialed. Please leave a message after the beep.
  10. This is you-know who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what you-know-when.
  11. Hello. I’m not here right now, so leave a message! Make it short, make it sweet, or I’ll have to press delete.
  12. Hi. Now you say something.
  13. You know the drill.